i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
you never un-have a 4some
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
