Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
