the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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