You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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