So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
