i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
