i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
