i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
sarcasm needs its own font
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
