a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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