i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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