I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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