You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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