just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
