Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
