Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
