remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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