Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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