Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
