I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
