I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
