so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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