hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
