So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
