can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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