Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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