The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
