Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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