Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
