Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
