My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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