i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
