He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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