Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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