Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
