i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
