he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
