dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
not ubering you a puppy
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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