My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
