just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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