i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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