Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
