I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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