what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
