I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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