Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
