mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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