I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
