just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
if only i could text you this smell
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
