my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
