Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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